My "DO NOT"

I just broke it again today, damn..
Believe me, the constant reminder of "DO NOT CRY" never leaves me. My Day 1 starts all over again tomorrow.

Nevertheless, i hope i am still missed. I hope..

"DO NOT, CRY."

Several Ways To Die Trying

Pacific Sun, you should have warned us, it gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.

And our flares go unnoticed.
Diminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued. We are, we are, invisible.

Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed, take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads they built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts with their shining lies,
while closing our caskets cold and tight. But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us, these heights are dizzying,
and the climb can kill you long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked and unmapped and covered
just as soon as they are crossed.

• The jammed part half way through the song, which till then we have not concluded if it was your MINI-DISC PLAYER's fault or just the way the song supposed to go.

• It used to just keep getting stuck but we continued what we were doing. at that very moment.

Did you forget this song, too? 

I never will.

Ethoz Passenger Team

About the 2rd month or so in Ethoz is approaching, this is definitely tougher than the previous when it comes to clinching the first deal..

There's more than just to meet the eyes here..

I am trying my best. My very best..

Sorry

I am sorry for all the wrongs i haven't been doing right.
I am sorry for all the hurtful things i have said to you without considering where it will lead us.
I am sorry for things that happened.
I am sorry i did not love you the way you wanted me to.
I am sorry for scaring you off with the way i love you.
I am sorry for failing in the years.

I wish my sorry really shows something to you, i wish. 

I have so much to tell you but it all just didn't come out right with you.

Last night, all i could ever do was to at least see you for the last time.
I broke down in tears after seeing Uncle because he unknowingly brought back our memories too.

Forgiveness was no longer that something i wanted out from you anymore. I could barely feel your love for me, maybe you are really right. It was long gone..

There is something i wish you would really believe despite the lost gone trust you have on me;
I really love you for as long as i am here and as long we have been in this. It really has been with me all the while.
You are right, i was never always showing it or even saying it. Because i took such a long way to see that i was too blinded and overly-concerned by our outcome and deeply neglected our process..

I once said, i lost the directions for us. I was so helpless so troubled; but never once wanted to lay it out on the table with you and make you part of the resolving team.
I kept wishing everything could move even faster and further for us. I always always wish.

My way of loving you was something that got you too suffocated, too stressful.
I hope one fine day we can really sit down together with a peace of mind and a open heart to feel each other's love all over again. 

I cannot wait for that day to come or rather, even if it wouldn't come one day, you will still always and forever be the only one i ever want to keep loving..

I guess it's pretty understandable that such love of mine can never be given to any other anymore, not anymore.

I am sorry...

Someday

All i know is that i have done whatever that is needed to prove out of the ever overrated word, "Love".

Across the months, i learned so much about life, about you and me, about love. There was never a day and night i go by without missing you and without feeling helpless.

Each hurt you gave, i hid back to cry and push myself on for the next few days, few weeks to better myself before turning up to you again. So that i have a valid reason to push us through..

I told myself not to cry, not to give up, keep going..
I read, i think, i wish, i hope, i try, i do everything.. Just to wait for that one special day of difference.

Can ego really take over love?
How much does it worth?

I have suicidal thoughts and i am really scared.
If our love can't be conquered, was it even love between us?

Never knew my life would come this far. Never knew the risk i took for us indeed only showed one thing; that it wasn't even strong to go any further..
As much as i am trying. But it always weigh lighter when there's two to carry..

I lost the way i lost everything. I can't go on even though i keep telling myself i can.
I so want to die.

Events Journey

The very last event of mine before i ended my days for IntoE..

 

This is of course not a part of IntoE Event, but after i left, 

colleagues turned friends.

Wilson seek my help for one of his OCBC event.

There i was for the Timbre's Event..

I guess this should more or less mark the end of my Events Journey.
To be in all honesty, i have many reasons why i left..

Though it wasn't very very long, but I definitely enjoyed my every single day striving for every events of my own and handling every single bit of obstacle that came along.
From working with people around, boss and every single one of my clients that gave me the big opportunity to run their event. From slogging every single day and every single minutes thinking about events events and events and burning most weekends for events. It was indeed not easy and i am glad i had that going pretty well for the past 9 months.

But of course, in the expense of my own relationship, my once settled relationship.

One of the reason why i decided to move on from the Event line not only mainly because of the injustice i felt in the company coming in terms of rewarding of my efforts, but also because i want to move away from somewhere i felt somehow took away someone ever so important in my life.

It may sound so silly so out of the topic, but i felt having to spend my focus on events and people out there more than my very own loved one was the ever gravest mistake i have ever made in my life, so far..

I neglected so much, including what was happening surrounding my loved one.
In short, i took it for granted.

Leaving for a completely different industry, a tougher industry to survive, as shortlived i foresee i can be here, i am just gonna give it a shot. At least i know i moved on from Events.

In fact, the mention of EVENTS really really put me into a really indescribable fear..

Should one day i goes back would probably be the day i have seen and sorted every single unbalanced out...

Meanwhile, i just want to settle myself into a place, a job that i know i could still handle every emotions well enough to await for the special someone's return..

GOOD LUCK YVONNE!

Insead's

Insead School was indeed a hard to please client but nevertheless, i'm done and over with.
This is the also the first time meeting up with Ben. Too bad Ben, i gotcha your real age!! As old as he looks like......
I have yet to hear him over at 91.3fm yet but lets hope i will have the chance and time to tune up to e radio one time and catch his special time slot soon.

Super Satisfied Client

This is one of my events which ended with super satisfied client. They are probably the best client i can have because they are really too nice to be true. I totally appreciate their understanding throughout the months before their actual event and they completely make the whole working relationship all worth it.

If all clients are just half as nice as them, i guess being in this industry would be all easy and perfect. 

When I was.. When We Were..

January is ending and i am still at the confusion and directional-loss stage. What happened? I thought by now everything should be on track?
I have never expect myself to be this miserable, to be in this kinda mess. I am so miserable and i do not know how much i can hang on here..

When i was 16, i met someone crazy and thanks to my persistence, i was able to get myself off that hook. Shortly after, i met someone totally loveable, totally without any hint of appearing. We dated and we got together officially; with the "NOT A NO" as an answer. We then goes through the simplest and even the toughest times together. What we often called the Ups and Downs..

When we were 6 years old, we couldn't pull through any longer..
Till now, we are still struggling. With love turning to hate...With almost zero percentage of chance to revive to who we were and how we were.

I have so much to say to him, to do with him.
I can't seems to be able to pretend i am all ok without him.
I can't seems to put my whole heart and soul to another anymore.
I lost myself without him.

Why is life doing this to me? Why do I have to go through hell before letting me see the best of us?

I am suffering and i know i made a grave mistake which i can never, never be able to be forgiven easily.
I lost my way in us, i can't find who i am anymore..

All i want now is, to be back to our days. Back to just you and me.
Back to the simplest days you often said to me.. Back to the just you and me world..
I finally understood what does the "simple you and me days" meant.

Why only now?

Count Down & Pre Cny Events

A few on-site shots grabbed for my blog.
New Year's Eve DND & Pre-Cny DND.

Lastly, wishing myself a Happy 23rd Birthday, (moderately happy is all i'm asking for now.)
And not forgetting, Happy New Year and Huattttt ahhhh....

Change

So many things happened and i don't even know where am i at now.
I have nothing to look forward to. From Nov's wedding to Xmas to marching into 2012. Lastly, Chinese New Year and of course my 23rd Birthday.


NOTHING.. Everything is changing..

Quick Glance of Eventful Events

my favourite ah-girl who is always assisting me
in office and my events.
To think i actually interviewed her during one of my event, casually.

dough figurine made specially for me before she left.

my happy friend! HAHA

The humble MP, Micheal Palmer

outdoor event always make us look exceptionally shiny.
i love her for helping me out despite the long hours
for this bloody St Regis.

the very diligent balloon sculptor i engaged.
he stayed for more than just his allocated work hours!

he even made me this bike before he left!

very nice of my caricaturist.
but wonder why must my legs open this big..

my hyper Donna before i sent her up to stage as Lady Gaga.