When I was.. When We Were..

January is ending and i am still at the confusion and directional-loss stage. What happened? I thought by now everything should be on track?
I have never expect myself to be this miserable, to be in this kinda mess. I am so miserable and i do not know how much i can hang on here..

When i was 16, i met someone crazy and thanks to my persistence, i was able to get myself off that hook. Shortly after, i met someone totally loveable, totally without any hint of appearing. We dated and we got together officially; with the "NOT A NO" as an answer. We then goes through the simplest and even the toughest times together. What we often called the Ups and Downs..

When we were 6 years old, we couldn't pull through any longer..
Till now, we are still struggling. With love turning to hate...With almost zero percentage of chance to revive to who we were and how we were.

I have so much to say to him, to do with him.
I can't seems to be able to pretend i am all ok without him.
I can't seems to put my whole heart and soul to another anymore.
I lost myself without him.

Why is life doing this to me? Why do I have to go through hell before letting me see the best of us?

I am suffering and i know i made a grave mistake which i can never, never be able to be forgiven easily.
I lost my way in us, i can't find who i am anymore..

All i want now is, to be back to our days. Back to just you and me.
Back to the simplest days you often said to me.. Back to the just you and me world..
I finally understood what does the "simple you and me days" meant.

Why only now?