October END - Long to Be Close to You

Days are passing by faster now, at the rate I'm keeping myself busy; for the sake of it.
This month was a month of Ruin to myself, i should say. With the almost weekly spending and damages done to my health and wallet.

Once again, is a whole new chapter of life lesson i learn from..
In additional, everywhere i go, whatever i do, memory never leaves me; memory of us.

Sucks to be me..

I went through within 2weeks on how a friend went totally insane after a break up, thinking irrationally and of course, behaving one oddball who totally do not deserve any attentions because all she did is to make use of whoever around at the very moment; particularly Me.

Of course, I've been through done that.
I guess i have done enough for her as a friend and in order for her to wake up her senses and see earlier what I could have seen, i could only be harsh to her, after 2weeks of tolerance.

Well, she woke up now. :)
I am glad she did it in time and she is all thankful to me.
I am really glad even as much as she may just be doing this because she still want me as a friend but not entirely waking up.
But one thing for sure, i could see she is picking up her pieces and i am really really glad...

And i can't help but to feel "unjustified", at times.
How i wish i have someone to wake me up in time when i wasn't irrational enough and yet thinking i was...
Because with that, i probably still have You.

Talking about sales, talking about work. I wish i can happily hit the keyboard with BIG HAPPY CAPS on HOW WELL I DID FOR MY SALES~!

But sadly, not time for that yet. Or maybe, not that i will ever?

I have been keeping myself positive from the first day of work in Ethoz. Dealing with all sorts of emotions and of course, all the big logic and big tips of survival in life and in work.
But like they said, where the hell is my LUCK.
I just can't freaking hell close some big good deals!
I am still holding on, at least till this year is over.. Till 2012 proves that 2012 isn't the END..

Last week Halloween was my ever first halloween.
And trust me, is also probably gonna be my last.

Maybe as time passes and as we grow up, we see and take things differently, especially after so much we have been through.

I get so sick of clubs and whenever the people around me are going all crazy, i stood there wondering, is life really about all these? Apparently not.
But again, you are only young once. And I just happened to pass that phase....
Right after the end of us..

I wouldn't blame that i was young, i was naive (i could say i was), to cause such damage to us.
Because ultimately even if it was, excuses are no longer valid now; to even make you come back.

So much in things in life is so unpredictable that even WE didn't expect such a outcome.
I have stopped figuring out why how and what made us this way..

I am still trying to accept and of course, forgive myself.
Guess that's e only way for me to move on my life as a better self, no?

I didn't want us to be just part of the experiences and lessons in both of our life to make us a better person moving forward..
But just how fair can life be?
It doesn't tolerate mistakes.

I wish i could show you how i am now.

Each time i think about us, i would laugh and cry.

Laugh because we shared practically too much things in life that whatever i do, you just never leave me.
Cry because we could no longer create more from there and reaches to where we said we will.
I hate to remember how you didn't want me to be around anymore.

There's so much i want to say to you but i guess it all doesn't matter to you anymore.

Whole world is waiting for me to be happy and move on.
But if this is so easy, i guess what we shared for the past 6 years plus isn't anything.

Hate to say but you matter so much and you no longer tolerate mistakes and forgiveness.

Maybe there isn't love anymore from you. But i could boldly say, i still do all the while and expectations killed us.

Again and again, you can do this, so can i.......
I can do without you soon.... I can......