Not Meant To Be

This week seems to just blew pass me!
Everyday of this week was a brain-twisting and heart-pounding one. In another word, stress.

Basically, i went quite a distance of fear and determination. I have never felt so much of a mixture within a week, 4days straight.
Today i spent a day with bestie over at her place from morning all e way till night. We had all 3 meals together for once. (focusing more on breakfast)
We watched a Indonesian horror movie DVD bought by his dad and it was more of like a comedy to me. That bloody hantu (ghost) has got a draglock! HAHAHAHHAHA MORON.

Looked like i cried quite a bit this week.
I felt so alone so lonely so helpless. Yes im admitting on that.
I wanted to blog so much cos tats e only way to make me feel a TAD better.
My eyes were too tired, brain were too heavy. I skipped e com and pen it down on my Muji organizer instead.

Thank anything alive that i still have Horsy and Lucien's shelter for me to hide at anytime of e day. And BoarBoar to accompany at e end of it, by cab.
Thank anything alive that i still have e few who is just a text and a call away. Even though sometimes words coming from them may not help e most in regards to the actual situation, but i enjoyed and appreciated e companion, e attention.

Sometimes i wish things isnt at such a complication, in regards to people.
I realized i wanted more than just this. I realized i wanted more indeed. I realized i am crossing e line. I realized it all but shit, i cant help realizing more and more things that its better off not being realized. Tell me i m not alone in these "realization" and tell me you are feeling just the same!
(but i will never never ever noe)

Im so mentally tortured.
I feel like crying at almost all e times. Even at moments before my eyes prepare to shut me to sleep and after my sleep resume me to start e new day.

Im not giving up just yet! Im sure to be giving it another shot! I treated this attempt as a mock test!
Yup yup yup, im referring to both issues!

Everything is not over yet. Why am i left alone at my current turning point?
I have never needed a shoulder to lean and cry on so much. I have never needed someone to be there for me so much. (its been very much all e times but this time round it was a x100)

When i m able to laugh and being brightened up even for that just one hour or so, i was hoping theres more of such to come and never to stop for me. Should there be such an opportunity, I cant wait to hope and see more of the improvised effect. Definitely not the declining or even the total halt of it. This is all im asking for..

At times like this, i wish what i typed out from the bottom of my heart can direct interlinked into one's heart.

"Half dead but satisfied, Tired but happy."


In conclusion of everything,

Maybe just not meant to be..
One step forward, Two Steps back.
Nobody wins when everybody's losing.